HELPING MOMS THRIVE THROUGH THE BRAND NEW BABY PHASE

You’ve just had a baby.  You may be feeling the highest highs mixed with some of the lowest lows.  Your body has been through a tremendous feat with childbirth.  Even the smoothest births are no picnic on our bodies.  Especially if you had a challenging or traumatic birth experience, your body feels those effects for quite some time after your baby is born.  Not only has your body been through a whole lot, but so have your emotions.  It is very common after childbirth to have a mixture of feelings.  You may be feeling a combination of joy with your baby, relief that childbirth is over, shock at what your body has been through, and anxiety about how you are to take care of a newborn and manage your postpartum recovery.  Below are 10 ways to not just survive the first two weeks postpartum, but thrive.  Don’t believe that thriving after your child is born is possible? Read on!

SURVIVING POSTPARTUM

(1) SLEEP

Sleep can turn into a four-letter word after your baby is born.  You crave sleep but it can feel like a mirage in the desert that you’re yearning for but just can’t seem to reach.  It’s no surprise that your sleep routine is one of the biggest things that is thrown for a loop after your baby is born.  You have undoubtedly been told to sleep when your baby sleeps.  This can feel like a challenge, though, when it feels like you have an endless to-do list of other things vying for your attention when your baby finally rests their eyes.  You may feel tempted to throw a load of laundry in, to wash dishes, make dinner, or any number of other things.  The key is to listen to your body and plan ahead, knowing that the likelihood of getting more than a couple of hours of sleep at a time for the foreseeable future is low.  So, when your baby sleeps, take a nap too.  Set aside the to-do list and let your own body recover.  Sleep has some magical healing powers not only for our body but for our mind and emotions as well.  The more well-rested we are, the more we are able to better cope with those middle of the night cry-fests that are bound to arise with a new little one.

(2) ASK FOR HELP

Many of us would like to think that we can handle things ourselves.  How hard can this tiny newborn be?  Well, that tiny bundle of joy is a whole lot more work than we may expect.  Newborns require a massive amount of attention between feeding, diaper changes, baths, and rocking to sleep.  All of this work is tough on someone who wasn’t just put through the ultimate physical challenge of childbirth.  So, moms who are still sore and physically recovering from childbirth can feel extra drained with the demands of their newborn. 

One of the best things you can do is plan ahead for who may be able to help you the first few weeks after your baby is born.  Do you have a parent who can come stay with you after your baby is born to chip in and help around the house?  Can your spouse or partner take some time off work to be more available to help you?  Do you have a neighbor, friend, church member, or even coworker who would be willing to help out?  Believe it or not, many of your loved ones want to help you but may not know the best way to provide help.  Don’t be afraid to be specific.  Ask if they would be willing to prepare you a meal.  Better yet, create a meal train where family and friends can sign up to bring you dinner.  Ask a loved one if they would be willing to walk your dog for you.  Ask if they would tidy up your house or do a couple of loads of laundry for you.  These small tasks can add up quickly, and the more help you have with these pieces, the more time and energy you will have to recover from birth and take care of your new precious baby.

(3) TRACK YOUR EMOTIONS

Going into the postpartum phase with some idea of what to expect emotionally can be beneficial.  It is extremely common the first two weeks after childbirth to experience the “baby blues”.  Many women find themselves all of a sudden sobbing, even for no apparent reason, repeatedly these first two weeks after birth.  You may be feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, hopeless, or more anxious than normal.  Try as best you can to remind yourself that your hormones are fluctuating and trying to return back to normal, which can cause your emotions to fluctuate too.  Talk ahead of time with your spouse or partner about what to expect with your feelings these first two weeks after childbirth, and how they can best support you when you may be feeling blue.  At the same time, if you continue to struggle significantly with anxiety or feeling down for many weeks after your child is born, this can be a sign of ongoing postpartum depression, and a good time to get help from a therapist.

(4) BE PATIENT WITH BONDING

We have all seen movies depicting childbirth with this romantic, dreamy portrayal of the mom seeing their baby for the first time and their heart exploding with joy and love.  Just like most movies, this is just simply not a reality for many women.  The first couple of weeks with your new baby can be an overwhelming mix of emotions.  Rationally you know this tiny human is the baby you’ve been waiting for, but emotionally, they may still feel like a stranger.  Not only that, but the worst kind of stranger, who is not able to reciprocate any of the love you’re showing them back to you, and demands to be fed, rocked, and changed at all hours of the day and night.  It can be hard for new moms to recognize that their new baby isn’t able to interact with them yet, as they are not able to smile or make steady eye contact at first.  Be patient with yourself mamas.  Just like meeting any new stranger, it times time to form a bond and get to know each other.  For many moms, it can take several weeks to really start feeling that motherly bond with their baby.  Give it time and don’t rush it.  More so, don’t set yourself up with preconceived notions of what that unbreakable bond will be like right away.  Just like all good things in life, it just takes time.

(5) FIND YOUR TRIBE

Having a circle of support after childbirth can be one of the best things you do for yourself.  If you are able to plan ahead for this, even better.  Find a new mom’s group in your local area and plan a get-together or outing with them.  By surrounding yourself with other new moms, you will have a sounding board of other moms who can really truly understand the ups and downs you are going through.  You can use this group for support, answers to burning questions you have, and for accountability to help you get out of your house and start feeling like a “normal” person again.  If you can’t find a new mom’s group, reach out to friends who have kids and invite them over.  Just having someone else around you who can be a shoulder to cry on or hold your baby while you take a shower can be a major blessing.

(6) BODY ACCEPTANCE

Ladies, let’s talk about our bodies for a moment.  Most of us are uncomfortable thinking about what our bodies may look like after childbirth.  Let’s be honest, that for most of us, a deflated balloon is about the best metaphor for what our bodies are going to look and feel like after giving birth.  But the truth is, our bodies are amazing!  They can literally grow humans.  That is no small feat.  Recovering from childbirth is also no small feat.  Be patient with your body.  Many say it is common to still look five months pregnant for the first few weeks after childbirth because everything does not just snap back into place right away.  Give yourself time and grace.  Treat your body with respect.  Make time to squeeze in a warm bath to soothe your aches and pains.  Find some deliciously soft and cozy pajamas for the postpartum phase that make you feel relaxed.  These first few weeks are all about healing and recovery for your body.

(7) SELF-CARE

You may hear the word self-care in conjunction with the postpartum phase and think to yourself, “Yeah right, how am I supposed to make time for myself with this little baby who demands my every waking second of time?!”  The reality is that yes, you’re right, self-care the first two weeks after childbirth can be hard to prioritize.  But think about this for a moment.  If parenting is akin to a bank account where each time you practice self-care you make a deposit in the account and each time you take care of your baby you make a withdrawal from your account, then the more we deposit into that bank account, the more we have to give to our baby. 

When we are completely exhausted and at our lowest, we have little left to give to our baby.  These first two weeks postpartum are a key time to find even the smallest ways to practice self-care.  Can you turn on some relaxing music while you feel your baby?  Can you fit in 10 or 15 minutes for a warm bath?  Ask your spouse or partner for a foot rub or back rub.  Journal about your feelings for 5 minutes.  Or turn on a funny movie while you snuggle your baby.  These small acts of self-care add up.  Remember, you are important too, and the more you attend to YOU, the more you have to share with your baby.

(8) MANAGE EXPECTATIONS

It’s easy to fall into the slippery slope of thinking of all the things you “should” be doing, like taking photos of your baby’s every moment, scrapbooking, folding their tiny clothes into perfect Maria Kondo packages.  If you have older children in the home, you may feel pulled in many different directions, feeling like you should be spending more time with your older kids when your newborn sleeps.  Having a talk as a family before your new baby comes can help manage expectations.  Let your older children know that especially those first two weeks after the new baby comes home, that you are not going to have a lot of time available.  Find really small ways to connect with your older kids once your newborn comes home, like tucking them into bed each night, or putting a puzzle together during the day.  Let your house be messier than usual, let dishes stay in the sink longer than normal, and instead, prioritize taking care of you and your baby/older kids first.  Those other things will fall into place eventually.

(9) FIND SHORTCUTS

The first two weeks after your baby is born is not the time to plan elaborate gourmet meals for your family or large family gatherings.  It’s also not the time to do a full spring cleaning of your house.  Instead, these first couple of weeks are going to be a prime time for finding ways to simplify as much as possible.  Finding shortcuts for the things you need to do can give you more time for the things you want to do.  Here are ideas to shortcut your life:

• Order groceries to be delivered. Not having to schlep to the grocery store with a newborn can save you major time and hassle.
• Hire a cleaning service (if you can afford this). Try looking for a coupon for a discounted first-time service.
• Ask a neighbor to walk your dog or mow your lawn. Not having to expend energy on these tasks early on can let you have time to physically recover after birth.
• Use paper plates and cups to reduce dishes needing to be washed. We all want to save the environment, but for the first two weeks after childbirth, this can be a huge help.

(10) SET SMALL GOALS

Making very small, very achievable goals, in the beginning, can give you a sense of control and accomplishment.  Maybe your goal is to literally to get out of your pajamas and put on daytime clothes.  Maybe it is to go for a walk around the block.  Maybe it’s to brush your teeth before noon.  Seriously, no goal is too small or too silly.  Try writing down your goal on a post-it note and taping it to your bathroom mirror.  Each day find one little thing you hope to do and see how much this can make you feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.

The most important thing that YOU need after giving birth is support.  Wellspring Women’s Counseling is here to support you during this transition.  Schedule a free 30-minute consultation today to begin.